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Author: Subject: The Comedy Corner
Ash
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[*] posted on 9-8-2008 at 01:45
The Comedy Corner


Hey,

So whos the comedian around here? Get posting your best jokes in here :)

Heres my poor effort:

What did the mexican say after he murdered his wife?
"I wanted tequilla" (Te-keel-her)


*Bad dum cshh*




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ollie
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[*] posted on 9-8-2008 at 01:55


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?’”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”


com for ta ble




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azasmith
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[*] posted on 9-8-2008 at 01:59


What did one tomato say to the other?
You go on ahead.. I'll Ketchup

*Dodges the rotten tomatoes*




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[*] posted on 9-8-2008 at 12:52


Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet.
There's a hush, and then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in silence, he says in to the mic... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front of the crowd yells... "Well, stop fucking clapping then!"




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[*] posted on 9-8-2008 at 12:53


Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and the walk home is taking some time due to their intoxicated state.

Eventually, they find themselves desperate for a wee. At that particular moment, they are passing a church and decide to go behind the headstones in the graveyard.

As they finish they both realize they have nothing to 'freshen-up' with so the first woman decides to use her knickers and then throw them away.


The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, when she notices a new grave nearby with lots of freshflowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with a thick soft ribbon.

Just the job' she decides and without another thought, duly drags the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their taskcompleted, the women continue staggering home.

The next morning, the husband of the first woman phones the husband of the second."We need to keep an eye on our wives. Mine came home with no knickers on last night."

"You think you've got problems" exclaims the second husband "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her bottom that said, "We'll Never Forget You - From All the Lads at the Fire Station":D:D:D




Martin & Rhoades audio examples - http://bit.ly/1PlWENI
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